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Welcome back, you’re watching the 2012 London Olympics, Freestyle Sex Marathon, middleweight division. In the event pit is Robin Fleming of the USA. She’s a bit of a crowd favorite, I’d say!

That’s right, Kate. This event is sponsored by Angel Cream lube, and we are deep into the second hour of Robin’s attempt. For those of you just tuning in, Freestyle is widely regarded as the most strenuous event. Competitors are not allowed to use their hands, but any other technique is permissible.

Yes, and Robin’s up against some stiff competition, if you’ll pardon the pun. Ruslana Brezhnev, the competitor from New USSR, beat Robin’s personal best of 9.33 Climax Per Hour. This is going to be close, Sue. Ruslana’s got the lead, but Robin’s tenacious. She won’t take anything less than gold home if she can help it.

I’ll say. Just look at her work the machine! Most competitors focus on the pocket and you can see how Robin favours the shaft in her rear. It’s a risky strategy: prostate stimulation gives her a higher CPH, but it’s also tiring. Judging by her expression, she’s way beyond tired!

She’ll have to face the second heat if she doesn’t manage to win this, however. The silver and bronze medals are decided by direct competition: both players must attempt to orally force their opponent to climax. The gold medalist gets whoever fails at that. Robin has definitely earned a shot at second over the New Zealand contestant, Kylie Lelei. Now it’s just a race between Robin and Ruslana, Sue.

There’s more than that, isn’t there, Kate?

Oh oh, look at that.

Amazing. She’s climaxed more than ten times and she’s still capable of that kind of volume. Few can manage even half that without performance-enhancements.

It looks like it took a lot out of her but she’s still determined to keep going. It’ll be very close, Kate. She’s got to beat 10.5 CPH in the next twenty minutes or face defeat!

One way or the other, there’s going to be a lot of used tissues in our nation’s capitol tonight.

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